Communication Basics: Touching People's Emotions

Emotions are a TOUCHY subject, you might say!  But also in addition to leave them UNTOUCHED is dangerous.  Tonight, I listened to a political candidate give a well-reasoned concession speech.  It also touched on some emotions.  But I am not as certain that it was as well-emotioned (to add a new word) as well-reasoned of a speech.  It missed some key measures, when it comes to what emotions are involved in trying to win over others.  Could it be this is why a concession speech was offered rather than a winning speech?  

Here are the basic negative and positive emotions.  In most ideal cases, I would list the positives before the negatives, but in our situation today in the United States negative emotions are the place to begin, if we can learn anything from some of the winners in this political cycle.  Here are the five basic sets:

     shame and acceptance

     grief and joy
   
     jealousy and contentment

     fear and confidence

     anger and peace.


I love the positive emotions, as we all should.  Sometimes though, you have to begin with reality. People are experiencing more reasons for the negative emotions than the positive ones.  They are getting robbed.  I believe Americans are!  That makes the negative emotions kick in for healthy reasons, not for unhealthy ones.

Notice that we can paint or draw a rosy picture, but you can't make a burned up rose into a beautiful rose with an actual photograph.  It would have to be doctored to be as beautiful.  An actual photograph is then what it is.  The photograph stills reality.  It is not a painting or picture.

What is to be done; when people are forced to feel shame, grief, jealousy, fear, and anger?  Are we to just tell people to paint a positive picture?  No.  I think we are to lead them out from theses negative emotions to where the positive emotions make sense.  We are not to ignore the negatives.

Great leaders express the emotions of those people, who are their followers.  They do these things about the negative emotions as well as the positive.  They get angry about the negatives.  They don't get out of control - they don't lose it. They get after the anger and the problems and solve them instead.

They tackle what is upsetting. They see the shame that is not necessary when ready.  They get it.  They don't ignore it.

They conquer what is frustrating.  They see the grief that is not necessary when willing.  They get it. They don't ignore it.

They fight what is distressing.  They see the jealousy that is not necessary when satisfying.  They get it.  They don't ignore it.

They help against what is intimidating.  They see the fear that is not necessary when able.  They get it.  They don't ignore it.

They discover or search out what is undeniable.  They see the anger that is not necessary when sensible.  They get it.  They don't ignore it.

What distresses me about even some of my favorite people and politicians is that some times they paint a rosy picture in a tough situation.  They color white and positive what is black and negative. You have to go into the negative and lead people emotionally into the positive.  You have to get people's distressing situations.  You can't just whitewash emotions.

Emotions aren't deceiving, but people are.  Emotions are a normal part of the nervous system as much as logic.  There are ill emotional and well as illogical.  I wonder if tonight the concession speech happened mainly due to the negative emotional part of people not being addressed.  Perhaps it was too much ignored or downplayed - the fear, the anger, and the frustration.  Maybe some can't win, because they ignore these emotions that reflect reality not deception.

Optimism is great, but better than that is emotion that is healthy - emotion that knows the negative emotions as well as the positive ones.  We are equipped with negative emotions for a reason.  Bad things happen.  Let's not ignore the bad things or the negative emotions attached to them.  Let's win over them.  Being logical is great, but greater still is well emotion and healthy logic.

Emotions must be TOUCHED, not UNTOUCHED.  We need leadership that properly taps into the negative emotions and overcomes the obstacles to positive ones; so that people have many reasons for the positive emotions of acceptance, joy, contentment, confidence, and peace.

I'm a bit sad this evening that people and sometimes some pretty good ones are still not getting it. They are still ignoring what emotions are out there, even if they do it unintentionally.   Even an unintentional error is still an error.  I'm not sure if one can be right, when one is wrong about emotions.  Maybe winning and losing says more than the loser realizes.

May the rain stop falling on our heads and may there be sunshine on our shoulders instead. Then we will be well to be happy.   What a TOUCHING emotional and logical scene that will be!


Peace to All my Friends.


Jon Westlund