Emotions are a TOUCHY subject, you might say! But also in addition to leave them UNTOUCHED is dangerous. Tonight, I listened to a political candidate give a well-reasoned concession speech. It also touched on some emotions. But I am not as certain that it was as well-emotioned (to add a new word) as well-reasoned of a speech. It missed some key measures, when it comes to what emotions are involved in trying to win over others. Could it be this is why a concession speech was offered rather than a winning speech?
Here are the basic negative and positive emotions. In most ideal cases, I would list the positives before the negatives, but in our situation today in the United States negative emotions are the place to begin, if we can learn anything from some of the winners in this political cycle. Here are the five basic sets:
shame and acceptance
grief and joy
jealousy and contentment
fear and confidence
anger and peace.
I love the positive emotions, as we all should. Sometimes though, you have to begin with reality. People are experiencing more reasons for the negative emotions than the positive ones. They are getting robbed. I believe Americans are! That makes the negative emotions kick in for healthy reasons, not for unhealthy ones.
Notice that we can paint or draw a rosy picture, but you can't make a burned up rose into a beautiful rose with an actual photograph. It would have to be doctored to be as beautiful. An actual photograph is then what it is. The photograph stills reality. It is not a painting or picture.
What is to be done; when people are forced to feel shame, grief, jealousy, fear, and anger? Are we to just tell people to paint a positive picture? No. I think we are to lead them out from theses negative emotions to where the positive emotions make sense. We are not to ignore the negatives.
Great leaders express the emotions of those people, who are their followers. They do these things about the negative emotions as well as the positive. They get angry about the negatives. They don't get out of control - they don't lose it. They get after the anger and the problems and solve them instead.
They tackle what is upsetting. They see the shame that is not necessary when ready. They get it. They don't ignore it.
They conquer what is frustrating. They see the grief that is not necessary when willing. They get it. They don't ignore it.
They fight what is distressing. They see the jealousy that is not necessary when satisfying. They get it. They don't ignore it.
They help against what is intimidating. They see the fear that is not necessary when able. They get it. They don't ignore it.
They discover or search out what is undeniable. They see the anger that is not necessary when sensible. They get it. They don't ignore it.
What distresses me about even some of my favorite people and politicians is that some times they paint a rosy picture in a tough situation. They color white and positive what is black and negative. You have to go into the negative and lead people emotionally into the positive. You have to get people's distressing situations. You can't just whitewash emotions.
Emotions aren't deceiving, but people are. Emotions are a normal part of the nervous system as much as logic. There are ill emotional and well as illogical. I wonder if tonight the concession speech happened mainly due to the negative emotional part of people not being addressed. Perhaps it was too much ignored or downplayed - the fear, the anger, and the frustration. Maybe some can't win, because they ignore these emotions that reflect reality not deception.
Optimism is great, but better than that is emotion that is healthy - emotion that knows the negative emotions as well as the positive ones. We are equipped with negative emotions for a reason. Bad things happen. Let's not ignore the bad things or the negative emotions attached to them. Let's win over them. Being logical is great, but greater still is well emotion and healthy logic.
Emotions must be TOUCHED, not UNTOUCHED. We need leadership that properly taps into the negative emotions and overcomes the obstacles to positive ones; so that people have many reasons for the positive emotions of acceptance, joy, contentment, confidence, and peace.
I'm a bit sad this evening that people and sometimes some pretty good ones are still not getting it. They are still ignoring what emotions are out there, even if they do it unintentionally. Even an unintentional error is still an error. I'm not sure if one can be right, when one is wrong about emotions. Maybe winning and losing says more than the loser realizes.
May the rain stop falling on our heads and may there be sunshine on our shoulders instead. Then we will be well to be happy. What a TOUCHING emotional and logical scene that will be!
Peace to All my Friends.
Jon Westlund
Showing posts with label jealousy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jealousy. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Monday, July 28, 2014
Communication Basics: Being Satisfied (Inner City School Teaching Story)
Sometimes in life it is a combination of skill and luck that makes you successful. In the case of moving from a classroom of students from dissatisfaction to satisfaction while I was a substitute teacher, I must give credit to both. What had changed leading up to this point was my desire to increase class discipline and learning through more of the carrot and less of the stick. The other thing was continuing to use a logical tool that showed the students the purpose and method of school, so they could be more motivated and more successful.
If you were a student growing up, then you know how bad it sometimes went for substitutes as students tried to test their worth. When I was a student my classmates sometimes ate them for lunch. While I lived in California I needed some more income, so I added this to my mix for making more money whenever my other jobs were not producing adequately. I decided from the start, I was not going to be a sub who was eaten alive by the class.
I developed a great "stick" approach to class discipline. I was never really eaten alive, though it certainly was tough some times. I wasn't satisfied though it was a good starting point from which to begin. As time passed, I became more aware of a desire to "use the carrot more than the stick". Sometime in the early 2000s, I finally wanted to try something new. It likely was in 2004 and following. For some time I had been using a tool that showed students the logic behind school, both in terms of the how and the why. This clearly made things better, but I still wasn't fully satisfied.
So finally, when I was substituting in downtown St. Paul, MN, I put up on the board two diagrams. One had to do with the carrot or the stick. The carrot in this case was pleasure. The stick in this case was pain. Next to that, I placed a pie chart with 4 words for each slice of the logical pie and one name for the whole pie.
I also wrote my name on the board, since I knew knowing my name was significant in creating ease in the class. Then I would introduce myself as the teacher who wanted to keep things on the positive side of pleasure in education, but that they also had a responsibility to keep it from going to education becoming a pain. Next, I would ask them why they were in school and wrote down on the board their answers.
It was the same nearly everywhere I went. No one really knew the how and the why. I usually say 95% didn't know, but that is being very generous. Answers would range from because I have to and my mom made me come to having a better chance at a better paying job. These answers may not have been on the mark, but they were real reasons students were in class. Then I would ask them, if they could tell me from my chart, the core reason behind why they were in school and how the set up of school fostered that. On my multiple choice chart, they got even closer to the answer, but usually the one that was the main one was the last one they chose.
It was then that I would explain that the why of school was to teach us mainly about things and the words associated with them. If they would realize that the strength of school was there, but also that its strengths were not in the others, then they were better equipped to be successful in school. But if they asked school to be something it wasn't like focused on action, then they would likely find it hard to be successsful. The key was to learn its strengths and then supplement from other areas to build an overall strong person.
[School already does try to supplement itself in the other areas. It has physical education (PE) to go along side mental education (ME). It also offers extra-curricular options to supplement the student and classroom emphases. You have sports to strengthen the body alongside the mind. You have clubs to strengthen the soul alongside the mind. It is a time to strictly work on building relationships and friendships. There were leagues or bowl events for larger scale opportunities to build our heart for competition to be the best at something a person can be. These things I likely did not mention the day I was at the St. Paul high school. But I sure wish I had.]
The best part of this new approach was that the students became model students that day. It was the best classroom behavior I had ever experienced. But that was just the icing on the cake. It was not the writing on the cake. That came at the end of the school day. I was walking down the hall when a student from one of my classes that day said, "I wish I was you". At first, I was in a bit of shock. I just had a student say this to me "a substitute". But that student made my day. He put the writing on the cake.
All these years later I can now see how I addressed emotions in a very general way through the carrot of pleasure and the stick of pain. I also addressed their logic. They wanted to know "how" does this thing called school work and "why" am I here in school, when I could be home watching TV or playing video games. I let them see the whole picture and then picked out the part that school handles the best. There was no reason to be jealous of others, when for the first time you have the satisfaction of knowing why you are in school.
What I thought was the more important part then, addressing the IQ for who and whole (the whole picture and the part school filled in that picture), wasn't the main reason for this students' enthusiasm. It was firs, the EQ (Emotional Intelligence) for school and the sense of emulation over jealousy. Why be jealous of others when you feel satisfaction? Not so obviously that day produced emulation as a pleasure and diminished jealousy as a pain for those students.
I can't wait now to get back into a teaching role wherever it might be. Because now I can expand the picture to include not only the carrot over the stick, but the basic emotions that line up with each of the basic logics. The emotional center and the logical center will now be better able to talk to each other and to make the mind a better functioning tool for handling this thing called life. Ah, the sweet enjoyment of emulation of mind.
Sincerely,
Jon
If you were a student growing up, then you know how bad it sometimes went for substitutes as students tried to test their worth. When I was a student my classmates sometimes ate them for lunch. While I lived in California I needed some more income, so I added this to my mix for making more money whenever my other jobs were not producing adequately. I decided from the start, I was not going to be a sub who was eaten alive by the class.
I developed a great "stick" approach to class discipline. I was never really eaten alive, though it certainly was tough some times. I wasn't satisfied though it was a good starting point from which to begin. As time passed, I became more aware of a desire to "use the carrot more than the stick". Sometime in the early 2000s, I finally wanted to try something new. It likely was in 2004 and following. For some time I had been using a tool that showed students the logic behind school, both in terms of the how and the why. This clearly made things better, but I still wasn't fully satisfied.
So finally, when I was substituting in downtown St. Paul, MN, I put up on the board two diagrams. One had to do with the carrot or the stick. The carrot in this case was pleasure. The stick in this case was pain. Next to that, I placed a pie chart with 4 words for each slice of the logical pie and one name for the whole pie.
I also wrote my name on the board, since I knew knowing my name was significant in creating ease in the class. Then I would introduce myself as the teacher who wanted to keep things on the positive side of pleasure in education, but that they also had a responsibility to keep it from going to education becoming a pain. Next, I would ask them why they were in school and wrote down on the board their answers.
It was the same nearly everywhere I went. No one really knew the how and the why. I usually say 95% didn't know, but that is being very generous. Answers would range from because I have to and my mom made me come to having a better chance at a better paying job. These answers may not have been on the mark, but they were real reasons students were in class. Then I would ask them, if they could tell me from my chart, the core reason behind why they were in school and how the set up of school fostered that. On my multiple choice chart, they got even closer to the answer, but usually the one that was the main one was the last one they chose.
It was then that I would explain that the why of school was to teach us mainly about things and the words associated with them. If they would realize that the strength of school was there, but also that its strengths were not in the others, then they were better equipped to be successful in school. But if they asked school to be something it wasn't like focused on action, then they would likely find it hard to be successsful. The key was to learn its strengths and then supplement from other areas to build an overall strong person.
[School already does try to supplement itself in the other areas. It has physical education (PE) to go along side mental education (ME). It also offers extra-curricular options to supplement the student and classroom emphases. You have sports to strengthen the body alongside the mind. You have clubs to strengthen the soul alongside the mind. It is a time to strictly work on building relationships and friendships. There were leagues or bowl events for larger scale opportunities to build our heart for competition to be the best at something a person can be. These things I likely did not mention the day I was at the St. Paul high school. But I sure wish I had.]
The best part of this new approach was that the students became model students that day. It was the best classroom behavior I had ever experienced. But that was just the icing on the cake. It was not the writing on the cake. That came at the end of the school day. I was walking down the hall when a student from one of my classes that day said, "I wish I was you". At first, I was in a bit of shock. I just had a student say this to me "a substitute". But that student made my day. He put the writing on the cake.
All these years later I can now see how I addressed emotions in a very general way through the carrot of pleasure and the stick of pain. I also addressed their logic. They wanted to know "how" does this thing called school work and "why" am I here in school, when I could be home watching TV or playing video games. I let them see the whole picture and then picked out the part that school handles the best. There was no reason to be jealous of others, when for the first time you have the satisfaction of knowing why you are in school.
What I thought was the more important part then, addressing the IQ for who and whole (the whole picture and the part school filled in that picture), wasn't the main reason for this students' enthusiasm. It was firs, the EQ (Emotional Intelligence) for school and the sense of emulation over jealousy. Why be jealous of others when you feel satisfaction? Not so obviously that day produced emulation as a pleasure and diminished jealousy as a pain for those students.
I can't wait now to get back into a teaching role wherever it might be. Because now I can expand the picture to include not only the carrot over the stick, but the basic emotions that line up with each of the basic logics. The emotional center and the logical center will now be better able to talk to each other and to make the mind a better functioning tool for handling this thing called life. Ah, the sweet enjoyment of emulation of mind.
Sincerely,
Jon
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