Communications Basics: Be Seeing (A story of Refereeing)

When I became a referee after having been a player and a coach previously, it opened my eyes to how difficult being a referee was.  But I didn't realize then how important a job the referee had, when it came to dealing with anger.  I'm not talking player anger, I'm talking about fan anger.

It was at a tournament of some kind when I first ran into a fan who tried his best to frazzle me by berating my knowledge of the game of basketball.  I remember at one point taking out the officiating manual and pointing out to him that the rules had changed.  Anyway, the angry shouts over every supposed mistake I made in the game got to the point that others were telling me I had every right to remove him from the gym.

I felt instead I should give him some slack since I too at one time had been harder on officials than they deserved, so I gave this gentlemen a break.  I know, he wasn't behaving like a gentleman.

A few years later, I was no longer wearing my officials uniform and was in a new position as a program director at a camp, when you might guess came in the door with a large young contingent.  I recognized him. I never asked him, if he recognized me.  He probably did.

But you know we became very good friends.  I guess using a soft answer to turn away wrath really does work.  I kept my peace and for not throwing him out on an occasion, I made a friend.

We've all probably been there at some time.  Really angry at someone.  And what did we do?  Well, at least some of the time we probably made ourselves look rather unintelligent.  We weren't seeing our anger or someone else's anger.  And in the end the emotion of peace is linked to the logic of things.  But in the end where these two meet, it comes down to us seeing things from another significant person's point of view.

If I had not seen how that man could be so angry, then I think we would not have become friends.  I would have instead likely raised his anger to a whole new level.  I'm glad I was able to see, to keep my peace, and to keep a friend.  Unfortunately, I have not always done as well as I did that time.  Take care and watch your seeing.  Make sure you see what you ought to see.


Sincerely,

Jon

Communication Basics: The Blind leading the Blind

The issues right now following my discussion with a fellow minister is that we've got the blind leading the blind.  People are not seeing.  People are associating emotions with relationships and not with all things and the nervous system as a whole.

They are also not seeing that what is foundational is only on a psychology 105 level and an eighth grader ought to be able to understand.   That bottom level is what I am trying to provide and strengthen rather than trying to strengthen the top of the pyramid of learning.

The bottom line problem still remains a problem of seeing or rather a problem of not seeing.  Good teachers help people see.   Bad teachers conceal what should be visible.  If you read my other posts you will see the basic 5 emotions, the basic 5 logics, and the 5 altogether combinations from the first two.

Keep searching and studying till you have those 15 down.  When you do you will be smarter than a PhD.   By the way, I still regard the goal of PhD education highly.  They should have the opportunity to lead.  But if they are blind about the basics, how can they lead?

My only criticism of the PhD level isthat many of them are not getting a foundationally strong first-rate basic education before they reach that level.  Be smart and seeing and then you will take care.


Sincerely,

Jon

Communication Basics: Seeing the Unseen

I've got a great question:  "How do I get people to see something that they don't see?"  I'm not sure exactly what is the best way to make it happen.  It gets at:  "Why is it that they can't see and how is it that I came to see something that I previously did not see?"

How does that happen?   It seems possible that analogies, similies, allegories, fables, and parables are ways it happens  Could it be that the familiar (something we see everyday) can help us see something unfamiliar (something we miss everyday)?  

Could that be why Jesus resorted so frequently to parables and to asking people to "behold" what they were missing in plain view?  He said one of the reasons he came was to give sight to the blind.

It just might be that the best way to offer sight is to offer a good story that has all the elements of familiarity to teach us to see the unfamiliar.  Who knows?

Sincerely,

Jon