Communications Basics: Be Seeing (A story of Refereeing)

When I became a referee after having been a player and a coach previously, it opened my eyes to how difficult being a referee was.  But I didn't realize then how important a job the referee had, when it came to dealing with anger.  I'm not talking player anger, I'm talking about fan anger.

It was at a tournament of some kind when I first ran into a fan who tried his best to frazzle me by berating my knowledge of the game of basketball.  I remember at one point taking out the officiating manual and pointing out to him that the rules had changed.  Anyway, the angry shouts over every supposed mistake I made in the game got to the point that others were telling me I had every right to remove him from the gym.

I felt instead I should give him some slack since I too at one time had been harder on officials than they deserved, so I gave this gentlemen a break.  I know, he wasn't behaving like a gentleman.

A few years later, I was no longer wearing my officials uniform and was in a new position as a program director at a camp, when you might guess came in the door with a large young contingent.  I recognized him. I never asked him, if he recognized me.  He probably did.

But you know we became very good friends.  I guess using a soft answer to turn away wrath really does work.  I kept my peace and for not throwing him out on an occasion, I made a friend.

We've all probably been there at some time.  Really angry at someone.  And what did we do?  Well, at least some of the time we probably made ourselves look rather unintelligent.  We weren't seeing our anger or someone else's anger.  And in the end the emotion of peace is linked to the logic of things.  But in the end where these two meet, it comes down to us seeing things from another significant person's point of view.

If I had not seen how that man could be so angry, then I think we would not have become friends.  I would have instead likely raised his anger to a whole new level.  I'm glad I was able to see, to keep my peace, and to keep a friend.  Unfortunately, I have not always done as well as I did that time.  Take care and watch your seeing.  Make sure you see what you ought to see.


Sincerely,

Jon