Emotions are a TOUCHY subject, you might say! But also in addition to leave them UNTOUCHED is dangerous. Tonight, I listened to a political candidate give a well-reasoned concession speech. It also touched on some emotions. But I am not as certain that it was as well-emotioned (to add a new word) as well-reasoned of a speech. It missed some key measures, when it comes to what emotions are involved in trying to win over others. Could it be this is why a concession speech was offered rather than a winning speech?
Here are the basic negative and positive emotions. In most ideal cases, I would list the positives before the negatives, but in our situation today in the United States negative emotions are the place to begin, if we can learn anything from some of the winners in this political cycle. Here are the five basic sets:
shame and acceptance
grief and joy
jealousy and contentment
fear and confidence
anger and peace.
I love the positive emotions, as we all should. Sometimes though, you have to begin with reality. People are experiencing more reasons for the negative emotions than the positive ones. They are getting robbed. I believe Americans are! That makes the negative emotions kick in for healthy reasons, not for unhealthy ones.
Notice that we can paint or draw a rosy picture, but you can't make a burned up rose into a beautiful rose with an actual photograph. It would have to be doctored to be as beautiful. An actual photograph is then what it is. The photograph stills reality. It is not a painting or picture.
What is to be done; when people are forced to feel shame, grief, jealousy, fear, and anger? Are we to just tell people to paint a positive picture? No. I think we are to lead them out from theses negative emotions to where the positive emotions make sense. We are not to ignore the negatives.
Great leaders express the emotions of those people, who are their followers. They do these things about the negative emotions as well as the positive. They get angry about the negatives. They don't get out of control - they don't lose it. They get after the anger and the problems and solve them instead.
They tackle what is upsetting. They see the shame that is not necessary when ready. They get it. They don't ignore it.
They conquer what is frustrating. They see the grief that is not necessary when willing. They get it. They don't ignore it.
They fight what is distressing. They see the jealousy that is not necessary when satisfying. They get it. They don't ignore it.
They help against what is intimidating. They see the fear that is not necessary when able. They get it. They don't ignore it.
They discover or search out what is undeniable. They see the anger that is not necessary when sensible. They get it. They don't ignore it.
What distresses me about even some of my favorite people and politicians is that some times they paint a rosy picture in a tough situation. They color white and positive what is black and negative. You have to go into the negative and lead people emotionally into the positive. You have to get people's distressing situations. You can't just whitewash emotions.
Emotions aren't deceiving, but people are. Emotions are a normal part of the nervous system as much as logic. There are ill emotional and well as illogical. I wonder if tonight the concession speech happened mainly due to the negative emotional part of people not being addressed. Perhaps it was too much ignored or downplayed - the fear, the anger, and the frustration. Maybe some can't win, because they ignore these emotions that reflect reality not deception.
Optimism is great, but better than that is emotion that is healthy - emotion that knows the negative emotions as well as the positive ones. We are equipped with negative emotions for a reason. Bad things happen. Let's not ignore the bad things or the negative emotions attached to them. Let's win over them. Being logical is great, but greater still is well emotion and healthy logic.
Emotions must be TOUCHED, not UNTOUCHED. We need leadership that properly taps into the negative emotions and overcomes the obstacles to positive ones; so that people have many reasons for the positive emotions of acceptance, joy, contentment, confidence, and peace.
I'm a bit sad this evening that people and sometimes some pretty good ones are still not getting it. They are still ignoring what emotions are out there, even if they do it unintentionally. Even an unintentional error is still an error. I'm not sure if one can be right, when one is wrong about emotions. Maybe winning and losing says more than the loser realizes.
May the rain stop falling on our heads and may there be sunshine on our shoulders instead. Then we will be well to be happy. What a TOUCHING emotional and logical scene that will be!
Peace to All my Friends.
Jon Westlund
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Friday, March 11, 2016
Communication Basics: Communicating Well On Relationships
In college, I was introduced to the importance of communicating well. It came through linguistics, the scientific study of language. It is part of the larger topic of communication. Lately, we have been hearing in the United States a lot of communication directed towards its citizens as many candidates try to convince the people to follow their vision for the country. I want to turn to a very old message to society, found both in the Hebrew Scriptures of Isaiah and in the Greek Scriptures of Luke for what I think needs to be communicated well. It is a summary statement of objectives in regard to a society or nation. Let's see how the current leaders are communicating.
I know there exist complex issues in relating Isaiah 61:1-2 and Luke 4:18, since not all the wording is the same. While I am fully aware of those issues, that is a topic for sometime future. Time is limited in a blog post, so I am going to look at Jesus' manifesto. Here it is with some modifications in some of the translation:
The Spirit of the LORD is on me, because he has anointed me
to preach the gospel to the empty-handed;
he has sent me ...
to heal the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives, and
to give recovery of sight to the blinded,
to offer freedom to the oppressed.
What I find interesting is what Jesus is offering and what is offered in Isaiah to people looking for a break in their lives to return to something healthier than what they are currently experiencing. It is a time for healthy message to those experiencing lack; a time for change, a time for a break, a time for freedom, a time for seeing things previously unseen. We've heard speeches and communication that sound promising like this passage, but that also have failed to deliver. What is missing?
I think what is missing is these promises without context or proper regard for the situation. Here is an ideally balanced social manifesto outlined by my linguistics professors, William A. Smalley and Donald N. Larson, at Bethel University in the 80's. Their strengths as professors of linguistics lay in their ability to look at language from a societal or anthropological perspective. To the best of my knowledge, they are the only ones who bring together this full outline of what I consider healthy or well-rounded communication. Their outline for language classes were outlined as follows, with some minor changes that I'm quite certain they would approve were they still living by yours truly:
Model and Theory
Continuity and Change
Bond and Break
Rule and Freedom
Sense and New Sense
We've all heard speeches in the United States that proclaim each of the later items - theory, change, break (independence), freedom, and new sense (innovation) as virtues. It is harder to sell the former items on the list, but that is a paramount tragedy. If I follow my role model and live well, I hope that is celebrated! If I am being paid fair wages that continue to rise according to merit, I hope that continues! If I am married to the right marriage partner, I hope we keep our bond to each other forever! If the rules I am given for success keep providing success, I hope I keep using those rules for achieving success repeatedly! Finally, if I have sense to see things, then I don't regret it!
What theory, change, independence, freedom, and new sense are for is when those things aren't happening. When their is disparity from fair wages, let change happen! When a bond is violated, let independence be available! When rules are not enabling, then let freedom reign! When sense is nonsense, then let a new sense be discovered! These are the contexts and situations when these all make sense. They are not one size fits all situations solutions. They are based on conditions and our responses to them in a society where we are in a relationship to each other. A society needs to cater to what is healthy and remove what is unhealthy. A society needs wellness. We need to welcome what is needed to fill what is lacking.
So I am in favor of a wellness theory and the healthy communication of all that makes us well -
WHEN hands are empty from a model that lacks the particulars that follow.
So I am in favor of healing -
WHEN hearts are broken or breaking by negative amounts in trying to live life.
I am also in favor of liberty or independence -
WHEN people are made captives through barriers rather than bonds f relationship.
I am also in favor of freedom
WHEN the methods employed are not enabling, but disabling or oppressive to workers.
Finally, I am in favor of a new sense for students and teachers
WHEN the current sense can't see things that really exist.
So we in the United States are sometimes only fed part of what makes us whole and healthy. We are only partly made well through the people fighting it out through a societal message to us. Sometimes freedom is needed. Sometimes it is not. Sometimes independence is needed. Sometimes staying in a marriage is needed. To me, my professors ideas are well-communicated. They made me well!
Look at the conditions. What makes us well? It is the option that fixes what is lacking! The welcome speech at a welcome time is what occurs in both Isaiah and in Luke. It was the favored or opportune time in each case, because it made people well through what they needed in order to have their hands full in a healthy way! Don't ever let our leaders leave you empty handed - that is not a welcome message!!
To You Hearing a Well Communicated Message,
Jon
P.S. This blog post is more about social health than mental health, but it also is based on the insights of the latter or I never would see the things I see in this post.
I know there exist complex issues in relating Isaiah 61:1-2 and Luke 4:18, since not all the wording is the same. While I am fully aware of those issues, that is a topic for sometime future. Time is limited in a blog post, so I am going to look at Jesus' manifesto. Here it is with some modifications in some of the translation:
The Spirit of the LORD is on me, because he has anointed me
to preach the gospel to the empty-handed;
he has sent me ...
to heal the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives, and
to give recovery of sight to the blinded,
to offer freedom to the oppressed.
What I find interesting is what Jesus is offering and what is offered in Isaiah to people looking for a break in their lives to return to something healthier than what they are currently experiencing. It is a time for healthy message to those experiencing lack; a time for change, a time for a break, a time for freedom, a time for seeing things previously unseen. We've heard speeches and communication that sound promising like this passage, but that also have failed to deliver. What is missing?
I think what is missing is these promises without context or proper regard for the situation. Here is an ideally balanced social manifesto outlined by my linguistics professors, William A. Smalley and Donald N. Larson, at Bethel University in the 80's. Their strengths as professors of linguistics lay in their ability to look at language from a societal or anthropological perspective. To the best of my knowledge, they are the only ones who bring together this full outline of what I consider healthy or well-rounded communication. Their outline for language classes were outlined as follows, with some minor changes that I'm quite certain they would approve were they still living by yours truly:
Model and Theory
Continuity and Change
Bond and Break
Rule and Freedom
Sense and New Sense
We've all heard speeches in the United States that proclaim each of the later items - theory, change, break (independence), freedom, and new sense (innovation) as virtues. It is harder to sell the former items on the list, but that is a paramount tragedy. If I follow my role model and live well, I hope that is celebrated! If I am being paid fair wages that continue to rise according to merit, I hope that continues! If I am married to the right marriage partner, I hope we keep our bond to each other forever! If the rules I am given for success keep providing success, I hope I keep using those rules for achieving success repeatedly! Finally, if I have sense to see things, then I don't regret it!
What theory, change, independence, freedom, and new sense are for is when those things aren't happening. When their is disparity from fair wages, let change happen! When a bond is violated, let independence be available! When rules are not enabling, then let freedom reign! When sense is nonsense, then let a new sense be discovered! These are the contexts and situations when these all make sense. They are not one size fits all situations solutions. They are based on conditions and our responses to them in a society where we are in a relationship to each other. A society needs to cater to what is healthy and remove what is unhealthy. A society needs wellness. We need to welcome what is needed to fill what is lacking.
So I am in favor of a wellness theory and the healthy communication of all that makes us well -
WHEN hands are empty from a model that lacks the particulars that follow.
So I am in favor of healing -
WHEN hearts are broken or breaking by negative amounts in trying to live life.
I am also in favor of liberty or independence -
WHEN people are made captives through barriers rather than bonds f relationship.
I am also in favor of freedom
WHEN the methods employed are not enabling, but disabling or oppressive to workers.
Finally, I am in favor of a new sense for students and teachers
WHEN the current sense can't see things that really exist.
So we in the United States are sometimes only fed part of what makes us whole and healthy. We are only partly made well through the people fighting it out through a societal message to us. Sometimes freedom is needed. Sometimes it is not. Sometimes independence is needed. Sometimes staying in a marriage is needed. To me, my professors ideas are well-communicated. They made me well!
Look at the conditions. What makes us well? It is the option that fixes what is lacking! The welcome speech at a welcome time is what occurs in both Isaiah and in Luke. It was the favored or opportune time in each case, because it made people well through what they needed in order to have their hands full in a healthy way! Don't ever let our leaders leave you empty handed - that is not a welcome message!!
To You Hearing a Well Communicated Message,
Jon
P.S. This blog post is more about social health than mental health, but it also is based on the insights of the latter or I never would see the things I see in this post.
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