Communication Basics: Being Able (A Football Story)

Sometimes in life a great person comes into your life who possesses what they need.  You only release that thing in them.  That was the case with one of my favorite players, Derrick Williams.  Derrick was the kid with the infectious smile.  But that infectious smile was in danger of turning into a serious frown.  One day in practice, I noticed Derrick was being picked on for holding up our practices.  He was last in nearly every drill.  I really liked this kid and I shared with coach that I thought there was the possibility he might quit if we didn't address what he was facing in practice head on.  The head coach and I, Marty Smith, at the time devised a plan.  Marty knew something about students being picked on since he worked with the developmentally disabled.  Derrick did have those kinds of issues, but his teammates weren't helping things at that point.

We decided to speak to Derrick alone to start.  He told us how he had come out for football as part of an agreement with his parents as a way to lose weight.  We asked him if he was able to do what we asked: Finish every drill to the best of his ability.  We weren't asking him to start beating his teammates.  We were asking him to beat his old self.  We were asking him to never stop and to never quit.  He agreed he could do that.  We told him we would then be addressing the team and the expectations we had for them.  I almost get emotional all over again trying to re-tell this story.

Likely the next day of practice, we addressed the players and told them that Derrick had promised us to never quit on the drills and that he would give it his all.  So they were expected to encourage him. I don't think even Marty was ready for what was to come.

I didn't realize it then, but we gave Derrick a boost in confidence by letting him know he could do what we were asking.  We also added to that a logical visible strategy of what we wanted him to do and it was doable for him. He did what we asked.

The results were beyond what I expected as well.  I started watching the guys gradually get stronger in their encouragement of Derrick.  I think it might have started to become a competition on who could shout the loudest for him in words of encouragement.  There were too those slaps of encouragement that football players love.  The atmosphere changed from one of jeering to cheering.  It was the icing on the cake, but again there was something more that was to happen.

If I recall correctly, it was a year later when I saw a football player running toward me who I eventually recognized was Derrick.  He was smiling from one side of his face to the other with that effectious smile of his.  Here was a guy now shaped no longer widest in the middle, but widest in the shoulders and narrowest in the middle.  It was amazing what he had done.

He had his emotional confidence.  He had his logical "to do" plan.  Who knows what Derrick might be able to accomplish.  I can't wait to find out what you can do also.  Take care.

Sincerely,

Jon