Communication Basics: Being Willing (A Football Story)

Two times after games I have had the opposing coaches ask me what I did after a victory.  Of course, I could not tell them then, because I wanted to keep our competitve advantage.  Well, time has now passed and I can be more open about what we did as a staff and players.

By far, one of the most dramatic games I have ever coached was one where we entirely blew another team out as far as the score was concerned.  I don't know any longer the exact details, so I apologize for any errors, but I ask that you indulge me for using my best guesses.  I do know two details for certain.  We did not allow them to score and they gained minus yards for their offence for the entire game.

It was the same year as the LA Riots of the spring of that same year, except it was now the fall following adn there was fear over another race related incident. The LA Riots had inflicted a great deal of damage upon the city.  Not just in its buildings, but in its people.  Race relations had significantly diminished.   In some neighborhoods where different racial groups had enjoyed relative friendship there were now more hard feelings.

In a time of a breakdown in relationships between people, there is always a sense of grief.  But in this case, it wasn't a loss related to losing a friend due to natural health reasons.  It was related to accusations of prejudice based on race.  This same kind of issue as I recall happened again in the through an incident relating to police conduct again.

At this same time, there was also a freshman football game scheduled between our predonminately caucasionan school and a school that was predominantly Afriecan_ American school.  School administrators from both schools wisely decided to delay the game another waek before we played each other.  Unfortuanatley, while wisdom prevailed the folloiwing week not much had changed in the minds of our players.  I think the general sense on the bus was that what is usually a friendly game of football might turn out to be otherwise.  Our guys were reasonably afraid of playing under those conditions.  What I noticed was that the fear was not isolated to a few players.  There was fear that could lead to a disasterous outome. I turned to the head coach and I mentioned that due to our duty to keep our players safe, we might have to forfeit due to our players' state of mind.  Marty was the head coach and he was not too keen on that idea.

I agreed with him and then I saw a way out for us.  I told him I thought the actual threat of a forfeit might wake our players up and I might be able to convince our players to play with the condition that they could not play with fear.  He allowed me to try it.

When the bus stopped at the opposing school, I heard the rattle of pads and asked the players to remain in their seats.  I told them I was going to talk to the opposing coach.  Our team captains quickly realized something was up and they wanted to know what.  I told them that due to their fear, I felt that we had to consider forfeiting because fear is not a safe way to approach the game.  In football terms, we call it a major factor in entering a game and "getting killed".

As I expected, they wanted nothing to do with a forfeit.  So I made a bargain with them.  If they didn't want to forfeit, then they needed to overcome their fear of unfriendly competition.  I didn't use the word confidence, but I know that is what I wanted from them.  I then told them a strategy for overcoming their fears based on my dad's saying, "they are more afraid of you than you are of them" and one of my coaches allowing me to set the bar with an opposing player where he was afraid of me rather than the other way around.  I also reminded our players that while they needed to play hard they needed to play clean.  This is what I think more than anything keeps competition friendly.   Playing hard was to mean just that without any cheap shots.

I must have gotten their attention and they were absolutely true to their word to do as I asked.  They satisfied entirely Coach Marty Smith's and my concerns.  They went straight down the field on the opening kickoff and it looked like a bowling ball knocking down the pins in an alley for a strike.

We won that day without any effort to run up the score, something like 38-0.  But perahaps the most telling was the defensive effort of keeping the other team to a minus 7 yards for the game.  Keep in mind this was a freshman squad.  They were a long ways from seasoned senior players.

This game demonstrates the importance of addressing not just strategy and plans but also the emotions of players.  The other thing is that the order was emotions first, logic second.  This fits with the findings of Dan Goleman in his book, Emotional Intelligence.  The result was a team that was willing to play cleanly and without fear right then and there.  The game turned into a joyful occasion from one that seemed would turn out otherwise on the ride over on the bus.  Even in the greeting at the end of the game, the other coach clearly perceived the cleanness of our game.  He just had one simple question.  What did you do?

I'm still hesitant to tell the whole story.  But anyway, now he and others know more than I revealed then. Telling the whole story is almost like telling everybody your favorite fishing hole.   No one does that, do they?.  Anyway, I still am going to hold a little back.  Take care of your fearful players.


Sincerely,

Jon