Some of my best experiences come from one-on-one tutoring. What is especially helpful is to know that for young minds the emotions are especially paramount based on the development stages of Fowler and others. In all my tutoring, I always assess the student and parents before I agree to take on an assignment. I perform a basic SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) analysis and then determine whether or not I can help or if they need someone else.
During the start of my tutoring contact, the general parent plea is help my child do better in school. The general plea of the student is help me do better, so my teachers and my parents will get off my back. I say the latter a little tongue in cheek. They seriously just want to be able to do the task that the school is asking them to perform. They are usually very willing to take me on as long as I indicate what it is that they need and they agree with that assessment and the realize I can also provide what they need to their satisfaction.
Because here I am referring to things in a more confidential setting in the case of tutoring, I am not going to use names. If I did that, it might be harder for me to find students to tutor. I've tutored in California and the Midwest and it can be really gratifying.
On one occasion, I did have a young student for whom friendship was particularly important. It came down to counseling them through the issue of a supposed best friend who wasn't very friendly. They needed a little coaxing to help them be willing to find another best friend. That experience of letting go of a not so good best friend, helped that student flourish, but while they were not willing to let go of the not so good friend, their grades were suffering. Once this change happened where there was a change in friends, this student experienced more the joy and the connections with other students that feed that joy. I helped her reduce her grief at school.
It was fun afterward to watch this young student joyfully jump into their seat happy to learn. Sometimes all you do is give a person a reason to smile again, by helping them to let go of those who are barriers to their life rather than openings for joy.
One other quick note on this student relevant to the struggles of students today. I shared with the student a saying: "If you chase two rabbits, then both will escape". It helped them then to focus enough on each assignment rather than suffering from significant distractions. They even ran around the house teaching the rest of the family this principle. Sometimes tutoring has its own rewards.
One last part of this story. So as usual, I worked myself out of my job and the student became strong enough to handle what was needed on their own. Every parent apologizes to me as a tutor, when they say I am no longer needed. They don't realize that this is my greatest badge of honor: "I don't need you anymore, because I can now do it on my own". I'm so glad they can. That is my satisfaction.
Sincerely,
Jon
Monday, July 28, 2014
Communication Basics: Being Able (A Football Story)
Sometimes in life a great person comes into your life who possesses what they need. You only release that thing in them. That was the case with one of my favorite players, Derrick Williams. Derrick was the kid with the infectious smile. But that infectious smile was in danger of turning into a serious frown. One day in practice, I noticed Derrick was being picked on for holding up our practices. He was last in nearly every drill. I really liked this kid and I shared with coach that I thought there was the possibility he might quit if we didn't address what he was facing in practice head on. The head coach and I, Marty Smith, at the time devised a plan. Marty knew something about students being picked on since he worked with the developmentally disabled. Derrick did have those kinds of issues, but his teammates weren't helping things at that point.
We decided to speak to Derrick alone to start. He told us how he had come out for football as part of an agreement with his parents as a way to lose weight. We asked him if he was able to do what we asked: Finish every drill to the best of his ability. We weren't asking him to start beating his teammates. We were asking him to beat his old self. We were asking him to never stop and to never quit. He agreed he could do that. We told him we would then be addressing the team and the expectations we had for them. I almost get emotional all over again trying to re-tell this story.
Likely the next day of practice, we addressed the players and told them that Derrick had promised us to never quit on the drills and that he would give it his all. So they were expected to encourage him. I don't think even Marty was ready for what was to come.
I didn't realize it then, but we gave Derrick a boost in confidence by letting him know he could do what we were asking. We also added to that a logical visible strategy of what we wanted him to do and it was doable for him. He did what we asked.
The results were beyond what I expected as well. I started watching the guys gradually get stronger in their encouragement of Derrick. I think it might have started to become a competition on who could shout the loudest for him in words of encouragement. There were too those slaps of encouragement that football players love. The atmosphere changed from one of jeering to cheering. It was the icing on the cake, but again there was something more that was to happen.
If I recall correctly, it was a year later when I saw a football player running toward me who I eventually recognized was Derrick. He was smiling from one side of his face to the other with that effectious smile of his. Here was a guy now shaped no longer widest in the middle, but widest in the shoulders and narrowest in the middle. It was amazing what he had done.
He had his emotional confidence. He had his logical "to do" plan. Who knows what Derrick might be able to accomplish. I can't wait to find out what you can do also. Take care.
Sincerely,
Jon
We decided to speak to Derrick alone to start. He told us how he had come out for football as part of an agreement with his parents as a way to lose weight. We asked him if he was able to do what we asked: Finish every drill to the best of his ability. We weren't asking him to start beating his teammates. We were asking him to beat his old self. We were asking him to never stop and to never quit. He agreed he could do that. We told him we would then be addressing the team and the expectations we had for them. I almost get emotional all over again trying to re-tell this story.
Likely the next day of practice, we addressed the players and told them that Derrick had promised us to never quit on the drills and that he would give it his all. So they were expected to encourage him. I don't think even Marty was ready for what was to come.
I didn't realize it then, but we gave Derrick a boost in confidence by letting him know he could do what we were asking. We also added to that a logical visible strategy of what we wanted him to do and it was doable for him. He did what we asked.
The results were beyond what I expected as well. I started watching the guys gradually get stronger in their encouragement of Derrick. I think it might have started to become a competition on who could shout the loudest for him in words of encouragement. There were too those slaps of encouragement that football players love. The atmosphere changed from one of jeering to cheering. It was the icing on the cake, but again there was something more that was to happen.
If I recall correctly, it was a year later when I saw a football player running toward me who I eventually recognized was Derrick. He was smiling from one side of his face to the other with that effectious smile of his. Here was a guy now shaped no longer widest in the middle, but widest in the shoulders and narrowest in the middle. It was amazing what he had done.
He had his emotional confidence. He had his logical "to do" plan. Who knows what Derrick might be able to accomplish. I can't wait to find out what you can do also. Take care.
Sincerely,
Jon
Communication Basics: Being Ready (A Football Story)
There are only a few games in my entire coaching career where I felt a bit of shame. In three cases, there was nothing that I could do, because control over aspects of the game had been taken from me. There was one game where it looked like I might feel more than a bit of shame. I was the coach in charge. The head caoch was gone for that week. I thought we were reasonably ready to play. That time I was wrong.
We unceremoniously fell behind 16-0 at the end of the first half. For a freshman team that is a long way behind, because usually a quarterback takes a bit longer to mature as a passer than do some of the other positions with their respective roles. So heading to our end zone area at the end of the half, I had better have something to say to avoid a potentially embarrassing loss.
I saw everyone of my player's heads hanging. I think I interpreted this as a lack of confidence at the time. I now realize it was a clear indication of shame. You know this too. Your parents will say to you when you are ashamed, "Stop hanging your head". So I pulled out a story that didn't just address fear and confidence, but also shame and acceptance. I did not realize the latter then, but I got lucky. Then I hitched to that story the idea of Keep It Simple Silly (KISS). I was just thinking of the idea of information load here and not overloading their brains. Actually, it is also a great logic to connect with the feelings of acceptance. How many times can a guy get lucky in one game?
So I shared with them that I had watched our team while I was playing come back from 21-0 at the half and win in a state record 5 overtimes. Part of this story too each guy taking responsibility for their part on the field rather than pointing the finger at someone else. Then I told the offense one thing to fix and the defense one thing to fix. I told them not to think about any other errors. Just fix the biggest on each side of the ball. This did avoid mental overload, but it also avoided acceptance overload - we'll never measure up.
I was about to be greeted by one of the greatest turn arounds I have witnessed in my life. Two things really stand out. First, is one of the more talented players on our team stepping up and taking on more responsibility rather than pointing his finger at others. The other is that the defense did exactly what I asked and it changed everything on that side of the ball. The offense quickly turned their game around as well as we roared back into the game the second half. Very late in the game, we had one play left to win or to lose, the score was that close.
We came up just a few yards shy on that last play of winning the game. Everyone on our sideline knew that with more play or with any more luck we would have won. The most shocking thing was the response from our fans. One of the parents said that in all of the games he had witnessed he had never seen anything like it. I also was greeted by the other coach who asked, "What did you change at halftime?" I had to apologize and say I can't answer that question. They were after all probably our number one rival in our conference.
But only sidnce this last May 2014, have I seen what I did. I did it then, but I didn't see it. Not only that I think I mishandled the players feelings of acceptance later, because I didn't know that is what they were feeling. You see that second half, the KISS method made it possible for the players on each side to feel they measured up to what was acceptable to me and then thta changed the scoreboard in terms of what was acceptable to their fans. It is a "shame" that we didn't score on that last play, but the shame of the first half, it was rightly gone. They had good reason to feel so unashamed for that half. Take care and face down shame and aim instead for acceptance. That is the emotional part of being ready.
Sincerely
We unceremoniously fell behind 16-0 at the end of the first half. For a freshman team that is a long way behind, because usually a quarterback takes a bit longer to mature as a passer than do some of the other positions with their respective roles. So heading to our end zone area at the end of the half, I had better have something to say to avoid a potentially embarrassing loss.
I saw everyone of my player's heads hanging. I think I interpreted this as a lack of confidence at the time. I now realize it was a clear indication of shame. You know this too. Your parents will say to you when you are ashamed, "Stop hanging your head". So I pulled out a story that didn't just address fear and confidence, but also shame and acceptance. I did not realize the latter then, but I got lucky. Then I hitched to that story the idea of Keep It Simple Silly (KISS). I was just thinking of the idea of information load here and not overloading their brains. Actually, it is also a great logic to connect with the feelings of acceptance. How many times can a guy get lucky in one game?
So I shared with them that I had watched our team while I was playing come back from 21-0 at the half and win in a state record 5 overtimes. Part of this story too each guy taking responsibility for their part on the field rather than pointing the finger at someone else. Then I told the offense one thing to fix and the defense one thing to fix. I told them not to think about any other errors. Just fix the biggest on each side of the ball. This did avoid mental overload, but it also avoided acceptance overload - we'll never measure up.
I was about to be greeted by one of the greatest turn arounds I have witnessed in my life. Two things really stand out. First, is one of the more talented players on our team stepping up and taking on more responsibility rather than pointing his finger at others. The other is that the defense did exactly what I asked and it changed everything on that side of the ball. The offense quickly turned their game around as well as we roared back into the game the second half. Very late in the game, we had one play left to win or to lose, the score was that close.
We came up just a few yards shy on that last play of winning the game. Everyone on our sideline knew that with more play or with any more luck we would have won. The most shocking thing was the response from our fans. One of the parents said that in all of the games he had witnessed he had never seen anything like it. I also was greeted by the other coach who asked, "What did you change at halftime?" I had to apologize and say I can't answer that question. They were after all probably our number one rival in our conference.
But only sidnce this last May 2014, have I seen what I did. I did it then, but I didn't see it. Not only that I think I mishandled the players feelings of acceptance later, because I didn't know that is what they were feeling. You see that second half, the KISS method made it possible for the players on each side to feel they measured up to what was acceptable to me and then thta changed the scoreboard in terms of what was acceptable to their fans. It is a "shame" that we didn't score on that last play, but the shame of the first half, it was rightly gone. They had good reason to feel so unashamed for that half. Take care and face down shame and aim instead for acceptance. That is the emotional part of being ready.
Sincerely
Communication Basics: Being Willing (A Football Story)
Two times after games I have had the opposing coaches ask me what I did after a victory. Of course, I could not tell them then, because I wanted to keep our competitve advantage. Well, time has now passed and I can be more open about what we did as a staff and players.
By far, one of the most dramatic games I have ever coached was one where we entirely blew another team out as far as the score was concerned. I don't know any longer the exact details, so I apologize for any errors, but I ask that you indulge me for using my best guesses. I do know two details for certain. We did not allow them to score and they gained minus yards for their offence for the entire game.
It was the same year as the LA Riots of the spring of that same year, except it was now the fall following adn there was fear over another race related incident. The LA Riots had inflicted a great deal of damage upon the city. Not just in its buildings, but in its people. Race relations had significantly diminished. In some neighborhoods where different racial groups had enjoyed relative friendship there were now more hard feelings.
In a time of a breakdown in relationships between people, there is always a sense of grief. But in this case, it wasn't a loss related to losing a friend due to natural health reasons. It was related to accusations of prejudice based on race. This same kind of issue as I recall happened again in the through an incident relating to police conduct again.
At this same time, there was also a freshman football game scheduled between our predonminately caucasionan school and a school that was predominantly Afriecan_ American school. School administrators from both schools wisely decided to delay the game another waek before we played each other. Unfortuanatley, while wisdom prevailed the folloiwing week not much had changed in the minds of our players. I think the general sense on the bus was that what is usually a friendly game of football might turn out to be otherwise. Our guys were reasonably afraid of playing under those conditions. What I noticed was that the fear was not isolated to a few players. There was fear that could lead to a disasterous outome. I turned to the head coach and I mentioned that due to our duty to keep our players safe, we might have to forfeit due to our players' state of mind. Marty was the head coach and he was not too keen on that idea.
I agreed with him and then I saw a way out for us. I told him I thought the actual threat of a forfeit might wake our players up and I might be able to convince our players to play with the condition that they could not play with fear. He allowed me to try it.
When the bus stopped at the opposing school, I heard the rattle of pads and asked the players to remain in their seats. I told them I was going to talk to the opposing coach. Our team captains quickly realized something was up and they wanted to know what. I told them that due to their fear, I felt that we had to consider forfeiting because fear is not a safe way to approach the game. In football terms, we call it a major factor in entering a game and "getting killed".
As I expected, they wanted nothing to do with a forfeit. So I made a bargain with them. If they didn't want to forfeit, then they needed to overcome their fear of unfriendly competition. I didn't use the word confidence, but I know that is what I wanted from them. I then told them a strategy for overcoming their fears based on my dad's saying, "they are more afraid of you than you are of them" and one of my coaches allowing me to set the bar with an opposing player where he was afraid of me rather than the other way around. I also reminded our players that while they needed to play hard they needed to play clean. This is what I think more than anything keeps competition friendly. Playing hard was to mean just that without any cheap shots.
I must have gotten their attention and they were absolutely true to their word to do as I asked. They satisfied entirely Coach Marty Smith's and my concerns. They went straight down the field on the opening kickoff and it looked like a bowling ball knocking down the pins in an alley for a strike.
We won that day without any effort to run up the score, something like 38-0. But perahaps the most telling was the defensive effort of keeping the other team to a minus 7 yards for the game. Keep in mind this was a freshman squad. They were a long ways from seasoned senior players.
This game demonstrates the importance of addressing not just strategy and plans but also the emotions of players. The other thing is that the order was emotions first, logic second. This fits with the findings of Dan Goleman in his book, Emotional Intelligence. The result was a team that was willing to play cleanly and without fear right then and there. The game turned into a joyful occasion from one that seemed would turn out otherwise on the ride over on the bus. Even in the greeting at the end of the game, the other coach clearly perceived the cleanness of our game. He just had one simple question. What did you do?
I'm still hesitant to tell the whole story. But anyway, now he and others know more than I revealed then. Telling the whole story is almost like telling everybody your favorite fishing hole. No one does that, do they?. Anyway, I still am going to hold a little back. Take care of your fearful players.
Sincerely,
Jon
By far, one of the most dramatic games I have ever coached was one where we entirely blew another team out as far as the score was concerned. I don't know any longer the exact details, so I apologize for any errors, but I ask that you indulge me for using my best guesses. I do know two details for certain. We did not allow them to score and they gained minus yards for their offence for the entire game.
It was the same year as the LA Riots of the spring of that same year, except it was now the fall following adn there was fear over another race related incident. The LA Riots had inflicted a great deal of damage upon the city. Not just in its buildings, but in its people. Race relations had significantly diminished. In some neighborhoods where different racial groups had enjoyed relative friendship there were now more hard feelings.
In a time of a breakdown in relationships between people, there is always a sense of grief. But in this case, it wasn't a loss related to losing a friend due to natural health reasons. It was related to accusations of prejudice based on race. This same kind of issue as I recall happened again in the through an incident relating to police conduct again.
At this same time, there was also a freshman football game scheduled between our predonminately caucasionan school and a school that was predominantly Afriecan_ American school. School administrators from both schools wisely decided to delay the game another waek before we played each other. Unfortuanatley, while wisdom prevailed the folloiwing week not much had changed in the minds of our players. I think the general sense on the bus was that what is usually a friendly game of football might turn out to be otherwise. Our guys were reasonably afraid of playing under those conditions. What I noticed was that the fear was not isolated to a few players. There was fear that could lead to a disasterous outome. I turned to the head coach and I mentioned that due to our duty to keep our players safe, we might have to forfeit due to our players' state of mind. Marty was the head coach and he was not too keen on that idea.
I agreed with him and then I saw a way out for us. I told him I thought the actual threat of a forfeit might wake our players up and I might be able to convince our players to play with the condition that they could not play with fear. He allowed me to try it.
When the bus stopped at the opposing school, I heard the rattle of pads and asked the players to remain in their seats. I told them I was going to talk to the opposing coach. Our team captains quickly realized something was up and they wanted to know what. I told them that due to their fear, I felt that we had to consider forfeiting because fear is not a safe way to approach the game. In football terms, we call it a major factor in entering a game and "getting killed".
As I expected, they wanted nothing to do with a forfeit. So I made a bargain with them. If they didn't want to forfeit, then they needed to overcome their fear of unfriendly competition. I didn't use the word confidence, but I know that is what I wanted from them. I then told them a strategy for overcoming their fears based on my dad's saying, "they are more afraid of you than you are of them" and one of my coaches allowing me to set the bar with an opposing player where he was afraid of me rather than the other way around. I also reminded our players that while they needed to play hard they needed to play clean. This is what I think more than anything keeps competition friendly. Playing hard was to mean just that without any cheap shots.
I must have gotten their attention and they were absolutely true to their word to do as I asked. They satisfied entirely Coach Marty Smith's and my concerns. They went straight down the field on the opening kickoff and it looked like a bowling ball knocking down the pins in an alley for a strike.
We won that day without any effort to run up the score, something like 38-0. But perahaps the most telling was the defensive effort of keeping the other team to a minus 7 yards for the game. Keep in mind this was a freshman squad. They were a long ways from seasoned senior players.
This game demonstrates the importance of addressing not just strategy and plans but also the emotions of players. The other thing is that the order was emotions first, logic second. This fits with the findings of Dan Goleman in his book, Emotional Intelligence. The result was a team that was willing to play cleanly and without fear right then and there. The game turned into a joyful occasion from one that seemed would turn out otherwise on the ride over on the bus. Even in the greeting at the end of the game, the other coach clearly perceived the cleanness of our game. He just had one simple question. What did you do?
I'm still hesitant to tell the whole story. But anyway, now he and others know more than I revealed then. Telling the whole story is almost like telling everybody your favorite fishing hole. No one does that, do they?. Anyway, I still am going to hold a little back. Take care of your fearful players.
Sincerely,
Jon
Communication Basics: Being Satisfied (Inner City School Teaching Story)
Sometimes in life it is a combination of skill and luck that makes you successful. In the case of moving from a classroom of students from dissatisfaction to satisfaction while I was a substitute teacher, I must give credit to both. What had changed leading up to this point was my desire to increase class discipline and learning through more of the carrot and less of the stick. The other thing was continuing to use a logical tool that showed the students the purpose and method of school, so they could be more motivated and more successful.
If you were a student growing up, then you know how bad it sometimes went for substitutes as students tried to test their worth. When I was a student my classmates sometimes ate them for lunch. While I lived in California I needed some more income, so I added this to my mix for making more money whenever my other jobs were not producing adequately. I decided from the start, I was not going to be a sub who was eaten alive by the class.
I developed a great "stick" approach to class discipline. I was never really eaten alive, though it certainly was tough some times. I wasn't satisfied though it was a good starting point from which to begin. As time passed, I became more aware of a desire to "use the carrot more than the stick". Sometime in the early 2000s, I finally wanted to try something new. It likely was in 2004 and following. For some time I had been using a tool that showed students the logic behind school, both in terms of the how and the why. This clearly made things better, but I still wasn't fully satisfied.
So finally, when I was substituting in downtown St. Paul, MN, I put up on the board two diagrams. One had to do with the carrot or the stick. The carrot in this case was pleasure. The stick in this case was pain. Next to that, I placed a pie chart with 4 words for each slice of the logical pie and one name for the whole pie.
I also wrote my name on the board, since I knew knowing my name was significant in creating ease in the class. Then I would introduce myself as the teacher who wanted to keep things on the positive side of pleasure in education, but that they also had a responsibility to keep it from going to education becoming a pain. Next, I would ask them why they were in school and wrote down on the board their answers.
It was the same nearly everywhere I went. No one really knew the how and the why. I usually say 95% didn't know, but that is being very generous. Answers would range from because I have to and my mom made me come to having a better chance at a better paying job. These answers may not have been on the mark, but they were real reasons students were in class. Then I would ask them, if they could tell me from my chart, the core reason behind why they were in school and how the set up of school fostered that. On my multiple choice chart, they got even closer to the answer, but usually the one that was the main one was the last one they chose.
It was then that I would explain that the why of school was to teach us mainly about things and the words associated with them. If they would realize that the strength of school was there, but also that its strengths were not in the others, then they were better equipped to be successful in school. But if they asked school to be something it wasn't like focused on action, then they would likely find it hard to be successsful. The key was to learn its strengths and then supplement from other areas to build an overall strong person.
[School already does try to supplement itself in the other areas. It has physical education (PE) to go along side mental education (ME). It also offers extra-curricular options to supplement the student and classroom emphases. You have sports to strengthen the body alongside the mind. You have clubs to strengthen the soul alongside the mind. It is a time to strictly work on building relationships and friendships. There were leagues or bowl events for larger scale opportunities to build our heart for competition to be the best at something a person can be. These things I likely did not mention the day I was at the St. Paul high school. But I sure wish I had.]
The best part of this new approach was that the students became model students that day. It was the best classroom behavior I had ever experienced. But that was just the icing on the cake. It was not the writing on the cake. That came at the end of the school day. I was walking down the hall when a student from one of my classes that day said, "I wish I was you". At first, I was in a bit of shock. I just had a student say this to me "a substitute". But that student made my day. He put the writing on the cake.
All these years later I can now see how I addressed emotions in a very general way through the carrot of pleasure and the stick of pain. I also addressed their logic. They wanted to know "how" does this thing called school work and "why" am I here in school, when I could be home watching TV or playing video games. I let them see the whole picture and then picked out the part that school handles the best. There was no reason to be jealous of others, when for the first time you have the satisfaction of knowing why you are in school.
What I thought was the more important part then, addressing the IQ for who and whole (the whole picture and the part school filled in that picture), wasn't the main reason for this students' enthusiasm. It was firs, the EQ (Emotional Intelligence) for school and the sense of emulation over jealousy. Why be jealous of others when you feel satisfaction? Not so obviously that day produced emulation as a pleasure and diminished jealousy as a pain for those students.
I can't wait now to get back into a teaching role wherever it might be. Because now I can expand the picture to include not only the carrot over the stick, but the basic emotions that line up with each of the basic logics. The emotional center and the logical center will now be better able to talk to each other and to make the mind a better functioning tool for handling this thing called life. Ah, the sweet enjoyment of emulation of mind.
Sincerely,
Jon
If you were a student growing up, then you know how bad it sometimes went for substitutes as students tried to test their worth. When I was a student my classmates sometimes ate them for lunch. While I lived in California I needed some more income, so I added this to my mix for making more money whenever my other jobs were not producing adequately. I decided from the start, I was not going to be a sub who was eaten alive by the class.
I developed a great "stick" approach to class discipline. I was never really eaten alive, though it certainly was tough some times. I wasn't satisfied though it was a good starting point from which to begin. As time passed, I became more aware of a desire to "use the carrot more than the stick". Sometime in the early 2000s, I finally wanted to try something new. It likely was in 2004 and following. For some time I had been using a tool that showed students the logic behind school, both in terms of the how and the why. This clearly made things better, but I still wasn't fully satisfied.
So finally, when I was substituting in downtown St. Paul, MN, I put up on the board two diagrams. One had to do with the carrot or the stick. The carrot in this case was pleasure. The stick in this case was pain. Next to that, I placed a pie chart with 4 words for each slice of the logical pie and one name for the whole pie.
I also wrote my name on the board, since I knew knowing my name was significant in creating ease in the class. Then I would introduce myself as the teacher who wanted to keep things on the positive side of pleasure in education, but that they also had a responsibility to keep it from going to education becoming a pain. Next, I would ask them why they were in school and wrote down on the board their answers.
It was the same nearly everywhere I went. No one really knew the how and the why. I usually say 95% didn't know, but that is being very generous. Answers would range from because I have to and my mom made me come to having a better chance at a better paying job. These answers may not have been on the mark, but they were real reasons students were in class. Then I would ask them, if they could tell me from my chart, the core reason behind why they were in school and how the set up of school fostered that. On my multiple choice chart, they got even closer to the answer, but usually the one that was the main one was the last one they chose.
It was then that I would explain that the why of school was to teach us mainly about things and the words associated with them. If they would realize that the strength of school was there, but also that its strengths were not in the others, then they were better equipped to be successful in school. But if they asked school to be something it wasn't like focused on action, then they would likely find it hard to be successsful. The key was to learn its strengths and then supplement from other areas to build an overall strong person.
[School already does try to supplement itself in the other areas. It has physical education (PE) to go along side mental education (ME). It also offers extra-curricular options to supplement the student and classroom emphases. You have sports to strengthen the body alongside the mind. You have clubs to strengthen the soul alongside the mind. It is a time to strictly work on building relationships and friendships. There were leagues or bowl events for larger scale opportunities to build our heart for competition to be the best at something a person can be. These things I likely did not mention the day I was at the St. Paul high school. But I sure wish I had.]
The best part of this new approach was that the students became model students that day. It was the best classroom behavior I had ever experienced. But that was just the icing on the cake. It was not the writing on the cake. That came at the end of the school day. I was walking down the hall when a student from one of my classes that day said, "I wish I was you". At first, I was in a bit of shock. I just had a student say this to me "a substitute". But that student made my day. He put the writing on the cake.
All these years later I can now see how I addressed emotions in a very general way through the carrot of pleasure and the stick of pain. I also addressed their logic. They wanted to know "how" does this thing called school work and "why" am I here in school, when I could be home watching TV or playing video games. I let them see the whole picture and then picked out the part that school handles the best. There was no reason to be jealous of others, when for the first time you have the satisfaction of knowing why you are in school.
What I thought was the more important part then, addressing the IQ for who and whole (the whole picture and the part school filled in that picture), wasn't the main reason for this students' enthusiasm. It was firs, the EQ (Emotional Intelligence) for school and the sense of emulation over jealousy. Why be jealous of others when you feel satisfaction? Not so obviously that day produced emulation as a pleasure and diminished jealousy as a pain for those students.
I can't wait now to get back into a teaching role wherever it might be. Because now I can expand the picture to include not only the carrot over the stick, but the basic emotions that line up with each of the basic logics. The emotional center and the logical center will now be better able to talk to each other and to make the mind a better functioning tool for handling this thing called life. Ah, the sweet enjoyment of emulation of mind.
Sincerely,
Jon
Communication Basics: You Can Get Satisfaction
The basics for the mind and/or the organ of seeing is this set:
ready
willing
satisfying
able
seeing
The question remains of what makes us ready, wiling, satisfactory, able and seeing. I believe it consists of two lists that together not alone create a mind that is satisfied. The first list is our basic emotions. They are:
acceptance
joy
emulation (I want to be like you)
confidence
peace
The second list is basic logic thing categories. They are:
amounts
relationship
whole
action
thing
When these sets are preent the mind is satisfied. When they are not present the mind is not satisfied, but restless until they are found. That is the core of my approach to ,mental health.
There absence is what I believe produced mental illness. You must avoid these in terms of what should be the stronger in your life. Take care of your mental health and satisfaction.
Sincerely,
Jon
Communication Basics: Finding What Satisfies
It is not only important to want something. It is also important to get satisfaction for what you need or want.
Let me illustrate from a time-honored part of contract law. It was considered important in law to consider whether a person is ready, willing, and able to keep a contract. If it was discovered that they were not ready, not willing, and not able to keep a contract that could change a court's ruling.
Please note that the list of ready, willing, and able is not about what someone wants, but about their satisfying the criteria. The unready, etc. is about what is wanted or needed being not met as criteria. Wanting here means you don't have it.
Ready, willing, able, [and seeing] means satisfying a want. I might make a statement that I am satisfied that I am ready, willing, able, and seeing. But I don't think I would make a statement of satisfaction if I am not ready, not willing, not able, and/or not seeing. Then I can't get satisfaction.
So seek what satisfies when it comes to learning. Find something that can meet all the criteria that in the end adds up to satisfying. Take care.
Sincerely,
Jon
first noted 4/4/2014
Let me illustrate from a time-honored part of contract law. It was considered important in law to consider whether a person is ready, willing, and able to keep a contract. If it was discovered that they were not ready, not willing, and not able to keep a contract that could change a court's ruling.
Please note that the list of ready, willing, and able is not about what someone wants, but about their satisfying the criteria. The unready, etc. is about what is wanted or needed being not met as criteria. Wanting here means you don't have it.
Ready, willing, able, [and seeing] means satisfying a want. I might make a statement that I am satisfied that I am ready, willing, able, and seeing. But I don't think I would make a statement of satisfaction if I am not ready, not willing, not able, and/or not seeing. Then I can't get satisfaction.
So seek what satisfies when it comes to learning. Find something that can meet all the criteria that in the end adds up to satisfying. Take care.
Sincerely,
Jon
first noted 4/4/2014
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